Why Am I Who I Am?

My first love was books. I know some people who can say “My first love was biology,” or “I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was four.” Not me. I read a picture book called Little Mist when I was really young, and my imagination took off running. After that, I read fantasy book after fantasy book, starting with the Harry Potter series. I started making worlds of my own inside my head, including one where dragons had a kingdom in the sky.

Then, reality started getting, well, real.

In fifth grade I became severely depressed and by sixth grade I was suicidal. I started asking myself why I was feeling that way and what was wrong with me. I turned to poetry for the answers. The poems didn’t give me scientific reasons, but they gave me ideas and friends where I had none. By seventh grade, I started writing my own poetry, trying to figure out my “why’s.” It worked for a little bit, but I wanted answers, real scientific answers.

That’s where neuroscience comes in. In ninth grade I moved from a very small private school to my county school and discovered the neuroscience club. Through the club I learned about neurons and action potential and sleep cycles, but most importantly, I learned about disorders like depression. I was finally getting some answers.

Now, I’m a junior in high school, and with the help of an amazing therapist, I’ve figured out some of my personal “why’s,” but I still have so many questions about why the brain works like it does, and why different feelings are what they are. That’s why I created The Brain Bubble. The Brain Bubble is a place to think about thinking. It’s a place to find answers to questions about your brain. To satisfy that curiosity.

That’s the story of The Brain Bubble’s birth and why I created it, but I want you to get to know me a little bit more before I start yapping about neuroscience.

Like a lot of high schoolers I’ve had a long and winding journey with sports. My mom put me in gymnastics when I was really little because she wanted me to get over some of my anxiety and fear. She wanted me to step out of my comfort zone, you know, get comfortable being uncomfortable. And I continued with gymnastics until I was about thirteen. At the same time I was enrolled in gymnastics, I was signed up for swimming. Swimming was something I could get behind. I loved it while I did it. I joined my first team when I was five and continued until I quit in eighth grade. Then, I dove for about three months. I was really good at it, but I quit as soon as I had to do a back dive tuck off of the three-meter springboard. Now, I think I’ve finally found my sport. I’m a coxswain for a club rowing team. I started on the women’s team and immediately loved the team and the grit behind the sport. I switched over to the men’s team this fall and I still love it. I switched because they needed coxswains and after spring season, I was unhappy with the women’s team. 

Another thing you should know about me is that I was a theater kid. I know. I was all over the place. I started acting in first grade and did musicals all the way through sixth grade. I got the main part in sixth grade, but the musical had to be virtual because of COVID. In seventh and eighth grade, I did Shakespeare. I played Joan of Arc and one of the Witches in Shakespeare Shorts and Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I’m not in the theater anymore, but I still sing my heart out, and I think my car and showerhead are very impressed (“High School Musical” reference).

I’ve never had a ton of friends. For most of my life, I spent my time holed up in my room reading and writing. My best friend was, and still is, my brother. He means the world to me. He’s one of the sweetest people on the planet and works so hard to reach his goals. I’m proud of him. BUT, I digress. The point is, I may have felt lonely, but I was never really alone. I always had one or two close friends I could rely on, and my family has supported me through everything. Maybe you feel alone right now. Maybe you feel like you don’t have anyone. Just know that even if you feel lonely, you most likely aren’t alone.

"Literature provided the best account of the life of the mind, while neuroscience laid down the most elegant rules of the brain." -Paul Kalanithi, neurosurgeon and writer.