Why do people dislike change?

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about change. I’m going to be a senior in high school this year, and the transition to college is coming up faster than I imagined it could. To be honest, I’m a little scared. My transition from my small middle school to a huge public high school was not easy, so I’m worried about how this big change in my life is going to go. This post comes from a place of anxiety and the need for reassurance that even though change is scary, it will work out in the end. 

When I began looking for answers to the question “why do people dislike change?” I was expecting piles of neuroscientific research with a bunch of fancy lingo talking about how change disrupts neural pathways, but what I found were articles by psychologists because, as it turns out, change is a lot more about feelings than anatomy. From what I’m gathering, there are three main feelings associated with human resistance to change: anxiety, guilt, and apathy.

Most people I’ve met, while being excited about change, are also afraid of it. There’s this idea that humans are “wired to be scared of change,” but it’s not necessarily change that we’re afraid of. It’s the unknown. When I was little, I was scared of the dark. My friends would tell me, “You’re not scared of the dark; you’re just scared of what’s in it.” And they were right. I didn’t know what was in the dark, the same way we don’t know exactly how change will affect us. Another piece of anxiety that goes into our fear of change is the fear of failure. I know this is a big one for a lot of teenagers, especially rising seniors. There are a lot of “what ifs” going through our heads. What if I don’t get into this college? What if I don’t pass my AP exams? What if my grades aren’t good enough? It’s this fear of failure that is driving our fear of change. This fear that, somehow, we aren’t good enough. 

Guilt is the second thing. I don’t know if guilt is the perfect word for the feeling, but it’s what I’m going to call it. It’s this feeling that we’re doing something wrong when we go through change. We feel a need to stick to the stuff we know (High School Musical reference), and not rock the boat too much. Often, this feeling is why we have traditions or do the same thing for many years in a row. I had trouble transitioning away from gymnastics because it was all I had done for a while. I didn’t want to let my coaches or my mom or myself down by leaving the sport. 

The third major feeling in our resistance to change is apathy. As a chronic procrastinator, I’m very familiar with avoiding change because I just don’t want to. In order to even cause change or be part of change, we have to have motivation. Change takes work. Applying to college takes work. Packing for college takes work. And if you don’t want to do it, if you put it off, that change will never happen.

Now, I’m not saying our resistance to change is entirely a bad thing. Sometimes it keeps us safe. But other times, it keeps us stuck inside our comfort zones, and we never get to experience something that could potentially be incredible. I’ve found some things that work for me to get over my fear of change, so maybe they’ll work for you, too.

Romanticize it: Make a Pinterest board. Journal about it. Make something scary into something beautiful. I’m terrified to go to prom and to graduate high school, but I made a Pinterest board, and now what seemed scary seems beautiful.

Talk to someone about it: If you aren’t going through a change alone, that makes it a whole lot easier. Talk to a family member, a friend, a teacher, just someone. Tell them how you’re feeling. Describe the change to them. Talking helps. 

Make a plan: Break it down into tiny steps. Change as one huge thing seems too big to handle, but when it’s broken down into smaller changes or steps, it’s a lot easier to wrap your head around. I personally use a planner and a to do list, but calendars, reminders, and bucket lists work, too.

I’m still scared to go to college, graduate high school, send in my applications, and start my last first day of high school. But, at least now I know why. At least now, it’s a little less scary with my planner and Pinterest boards. 

References: Why Are People So Resistant to Change? | Psychology Today